how am i supposed to

react?
she left me. so what transpires after that...
i shouldn't be made to feel bad about, right?
i gave her a chance to rectify the situation.
and she still fights it every step of the way.
"i still see you as my boyfriend"
"but i have no desire to call you my boyfriend"
i don't understand this mode of thought.
and i assume it's not for me to understand.
but what i do know, however, is that i have given her ample time
as well as ample opportunity
and ample reason
to be with me.
if still, after all that has been said and done, 120 miles is just too much distance, then i guess...
it wasn't really love to begin with, was it?
i feel led on. and i'm not that boy.
i'm not the one you do that to.
lauren, i love you.
and this is my formal apology for what i have to do.
you may never read this, and i may never tell you in person.
but i'm sorry that i have to cut this off.
i'm sorry that you cannot accept me for my geographic location.
i'm sorry that you couldn't give it a chance.
we could have had something amazing together.
instead, we have a brick wall.
a dead end.
i now know that some things are just not, no matter how much it may seem so, meant to be.
this relationship is clearly one of those things.
i have closure now.
i have solidarity.
i have friends.
i have positivity.
that is all i need.
now i'm going to go back to my normal life.
and be happy again.

(next blog: i address the charlene situation.... so stay tuned!)