i don't even know

what i want anymore. i'm terrified of change, but i think in light of current situations, change is not on necessary, but dire.

i don't even know if i'm happy with her anymore. i know that i love her, but maybe she was right and that isn't enough. i want her to be happy, but i don't know if that involves me; and considering the way she's been acting, i don't really know if my happiness involves her.

and i don't want to be one of those "i've found someone else" people. i really don't.

but maybe, inadvertently, i am.

fuuuuuuuuu.

i get mixed signals. i feel mixed emotions. i don't know how to handle it. one minute i am so stoked on life, and so stoked on her, and the next minute i feel trapped, like i've jumped into a ravine, and the only way out is to climb the mountainous barriers that i am trapped between.

i don't want to quit, but it keeps getting harder to climb.

i don't know if any of this makes sense, or if i even want it to. i just know that i am confused.
but no one reads this, so asking for help would be pointless. ughhhhh.
what is one to do?
rawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawrrawr. fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

i dont know what else to say.